Thought You Should Know

This is my first posting of jokes I've written online, ever. These sprung from articles I've read in the past few weeks. Good? Bad? I had fun writing them.

1) Researchers in Japan have created augmented reality glasses, which alter how a person's mind understands the food they eat. Created for dieters, the glasses make the brain think the food being eaten is larger than the actual size.
2A) The head inventor confessed his actual reasoning to create the glasses was for his wife. She doesn't need to diet, but he needs all the enlarging help he can get.

or

2B) The glasses not only work on food, but also body parts. "Great!" says all Asian men with penises.

The Huffington Post wrote an article about a lizard which resembles Spiderman because of its red and blue coloring. What's surprising is that its enemy is a green lizard that rides on a hover board and throws exploding balls. What's not surprising is that comic book enthusiasts have this lizard as a pet and name it Peter Parker.

A lawsuit was filed by 5 same-sex couples against a section of DOMA that prohibits immigration rights to same-sex couples. Those 5 same-sex couples are all legally married, but one partner is a US citizen and the other is a foreign national. If this is brought up in court, the defense will most likely argue that DOMA protects hair stylist and interior designer jobs for qualified, gay men already in America from being taken by their foreign partners.

What do you mean Little 500 is a bike race? I thought that was Cee Lo Green's nick name.

Kanye and Kim Kardashian are rumored to be dating. My money's on Kanye saying, "Kim, imma let you finish, but Amber Rose did it better," in their yet-to-be-released sex tape.

After Santorum ended his run for presidency, his spokesperson, Hogan Gidley stated, "We needed Newt to step aside a long time ago." This was not in reference to the presidential race, but to Gingrich blocking every doorway he stands in front of.

The increase of Bunny Cafes in Japan is problematic. For people who don't know, a Bunny Cafe is a coffee place that has bunnies roaming inside, which patrons can pet. There is now an increase of people complaining that there's a hare in their coffee. Also, apparently there are Reptile Cafes, which leads to the bigger problem of people finding snakes in their muffins.

1) Researchers are building robot prostitutes to substitute human prostitutes. These robots will be able to do everything from giving massages to lap dances to intercourse. 

2A) Although, I don't know how erotic a 70s era dance move would be on your junk.

or

2B) The primary downside is having to listen to the Styx song "Mr. Roboto" during every lap dance.