Twitter Feud: Pumpkin Spice Latte vs. Apple Cider

Happy Fall, everyone!

Note: The above Twitter handles are not legitimate (maybe they are, but they aren't for these drinks). If they are, my use of the handles in no way indicates any support or such of their tweets, etc.

What Your RA Says: Beginning of the Year Versus End of the Year

I was an RA for two years and worked at the residence halls for three. Many of my friends are also RAs and are still RAs. From early morning lockouts to late night duty shifts, my RA friends and I have said many things, but our meaning did not always match our words. Sometimes the meaning will change depending on the time of day. The meaning of "Can I help you?" changes dramatically as the school year progresses from beginning of the year (BOTY) to end of the year (EOTY). Here are a sampling:

Can I help you?

BOTY: I'm here to help with all of your problems and answer any questions and I'm just so excited to be here and I really hope I can be of assistance.

EOTY: I'm just going to point to where you need to go or have you speak to someone else.

I hope you'll come to the program this Thursday.

BOTY: I put so much time and effort in planning and organizing this, so if you don't show up, I'm going to take it personally.

EOTY: I know you're not going to come, but there will be free food anyways so that I don't have to eat the dorm food.

I don't care if you drink alcohol, just don't drink in the dorms.

BOTY: Guys, I want you to think I'm cool and on your side. College is a new experience, and I know you're going to experiment, but if I'm definitely going to make you pour out that unopened bottle of Maker's Mark.

EOTY: I'm going to ignore everything I hear coming from your room to the greatest extent that I can.

Feel free to knock on my door.

BOTY: Come in anytime. We'll talk, hangout, or discuss anything you want. I'm here for you.

EOTY: Feel free to knock on my door, because I won't be in there anyways. Sucker.

I'm going to need to see your ID.

BOTY: I'm so disappointed in you. I really hope you learn from this.

EOTY: Awesome. Now I have to write paperwork. You're on my list.

Hi, (insert name).

BOTY: Hi, person whose name I can remember, thank goodness, or else this would have been awkward.

EOTY: Hi, person whose name I know, because you are either always receiving mail or getting in trouble or are my favorite resident.

Do you want some free pizza?

BOTY: I want you to like me!

EOTY: I want you to like me!

A Carnival Ride and Its Party-Goer Equivalent

This college year is just starting. For the freshman out there or those who aren't sure of the workings of a college party, here is a useful guide in terms that might help your understanding. I've compiled your guide to party-goers and the carnival rides they resemble.

Ferris Wheel: Host of the Party

The ferris wheel is the staple of the carnival. You can't have a carnival without having a host. The host will greet guests coming and going in a never ending rotation through the end of the night. The host will keep going as long as people are there.

Tilt-A-Whirl: Girl Who Suggests Shots

If you hangout with her, you'll either have an awesome time or will be cleaning vomit out of your hair afterwards. She wants everyone to blackout, so she'll make every twist and turn to get you to not remember which way is left and right.

Bumper Cars: Clumsy Drunk

Bumper cars, much like the clumsy drunk, is a classic and is not going away any time soon. Just expect her to be there. No party is complete without the clumsy drunk.

Fun Slide: Guy Who Pre-Gamed Too Hard

He arrives at the party wasted, and so he will quickly reach the end of his night. Sure, there will be some minor plateaus during his rapid decline to the floor, but mostly his evening will be a short experience.

Water Shooting Game: Sober Sally

I know. This is a lame game that nobody really enjoys, but everyone's played it at least once. The person who does enjoy the game will not shut up about it, and all night long you'll be hearing about how much fun you can have even without getting on the bigger rides.

Pirate Ship: People Playing Beer Pong (or any drinking game)

This group will get as many people as possible to binge drink with them. Everyone will have their hands in the air, cheering and shouting. The group has its highs and lows throughout the tournament. As soon as the game is over, everyone will go off to find something else to do.

Swing Around: Guy Who is High

He's really chill and relaxed. When you get on the swings, you are up in the air and think you can see to the ends of the Earth, but you can't. Everyone's reaction on this ride is different. Some get scared and paranoid that something will go wrong. Others can't get enough of the feeling. There's not much to this ride.

Junk Food Truck: Guy Who Always Orders Pizza

You probably ate before you got to the party, but this guy thinks it's necessary to buy ten large pizzas. Everyone wants this person around, but also doesn't want this person around. Because this person is around, you'll inevitable eat something greasy and deep-fried by the end of the night.